Memorial day weekend has come and gone, and for that I am grateful. While for many people this past weekend brings an extra day off work giving time for barbecues and family gatherings, and for everyone it brings a time to remember the many men and women that have served our country and paid the highest price – their life. For me it is a weekend of sadness. For the last 25 years I have not looked to this weekend with anticipation of good times shared, but rather with a deep heartache as this is the anniversary of my sister’s death.
It is something to hear, as I do many years, the number of fatalities on our roads that weekend celebrations, especially Memorial Day weekend as marking the beginning of summer, brings. Yes, my sister is clumped into a statistic. My sister was killed in a hit-and-run auto accident on a holiday weekend; to me she is so much more than a statistic.
The grief is always there. I wish it were different, but it is not. Grief does not really go away with time. With time the grief simply gets buried under layers of life. Yes, life goes on and with it layers and layers of other experiences, people, and family get layered into our souls, into our beings – but no, the grief does not go away. This year marking 25 years also makes it a year that my sister has now been gone from this earth longer than she was here being my sister. At 23 years of age, my sister was one year out of college – doing her thing, living her life in San Diego. Figuring out her career and making a way for herself. Very much like my daughter Alyssa right now – age 23 one year out of college – doing her thing, living her life in Colorado. Figuring out her career and making a way for herself. Wow, looking at my daughter, thinking of my sister. Life for my sister Sara was way too short. We had plans, she and I, of raising our kids together, of being those old ladies sitting around together reminiscing the good old days. But she is gone – forever to live only in my heart and my mind.
I know that I am not alone in my grief. To the many others out there that have been touched by loss – I am sorry. One thing we know is that life goes on. Building those layers that bandage our grief – but never erasing it.
To those that have lost their lives serving our country – thank you.
Yes, I am glad that this past Memorial Day Weekend has come and gone.
I found your blog while searching for a picture with the Robert Frost quote. I loved the one you made because a rainbow means a promise of a new day. I’m so sorry you lost your sister. She was beautiful. I too have lost a sister and brother and the grief never goes away. Always seems to take your breath at the most unexpected moments but slowly I’m learning to smile (with tears in my eyes) when something or someone reminds me of them. Would you mind if I used your picture with the rainbow on my Facebook profile?
Thank you!
Hi Naomi – When I first responded, I could only see the first line of your comment. I am very sorry for your loss. The only thing worse than losing a loved one is losing another. <3 As you know, the days add a layer of protection around our hearts, but the loss is never erased. I hope for better days ahead or you. Yes, I would be honored by you using my photo for your profile.
Hi Stacey-You know, I always remember Sara on her birthday, as well as, many days throughtout the year. But this year, the other day.. Friday of Memorial Day weekend, “somewhere over the rainbow” came on 2x in the hour on this nursery medley Pandora station I play when Charlotte, my 3 1/2 year, is in the car. A couple months ago, I told her about her Aunt Sara & what her friendship meant to me as a young girl. When this song came on, she spoke up from the back seat..”Mom, does this song make you sad because Sara’s in heaven?” I said, “this song brings tears because I miss her so much, but it brings a smile at the same time because I can still see her face & hear her laughter & I never want that to go away.” I think it played that day so she reminds us to never forget.. I say, “Sara, how could we? You will live on forever in our hearts..love you”-Stacey-love to you, your Mom, Dad, Brother & your families.. Sara was a tragic loss & I’m so sorry, but I know one day, you will laugh with her again❤️xo
Oh, Noelle, thank you for sharing that story with me! Sara was very special to many, many people. You know, I still have the collage of words that you made for Sara. I always meant to give it to you, but I now have it hanging in my closet next to my full length mirror so I see it every day. It is full of both your college memories and friendship – and made back in the day before computers and digital cameras! Thanks again. Hugs to you and Charlotte, too!
Such a beautiful tribute to your sister.
Thank you, Julie. there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. Even after 25 years.
I believe it. The hole in your heart never goes away, you just learn how to not let it destroy you. Miss you girl!