Life is a funny thing!
Recently my life has been so uber busy that I am running as fast as I can just to keep up. Then I have those moments where I look around, looking at al the many facets of my life – work, kids, husband, friends, family – and see what all the commotion is. Then I look a little bit deeper and get a few moments of clarity.
I had one of those moments the other day. OK – I have those moments a lot. As busy as I am, I always try to live in the moment. But it is really easy to live a distracted life. I fight that by mentally reminding myself to stick to the present. But now I am digressing.
The other day I was helping host my daughter’s graduation party at her dad’s house. Now you know I love to entertain – and I am happy to entertain in a number of locations – so hosting a party away from home is no problem for me. Being divorced and having children means that you come together with your ex when it comes to kids’ events and celebrations.
This however, was the first time that I have been to the home of my ex. He only lives about a mile from my home, I have dropped off and picked up kids from his place many times, but I have never been inside – let alone helped set up and host a party there.
The party was a huge success. The backyard was decorated in Nicole’s college colors, the weather was warm, the food was delicious, kids played, adults visited, and we all celebrated this very important milestone of college graduation. It really was a perfect day.
The moment of clarity? I was standing next to my husband Gavin chatting with friends when one of them looked at me and shaking her head said, “I don’t know how you do this.” I smiled. I do understand her feelings of irritation. This was a friend that has been by my side for 17 years. Which means that she has traveled right alongside me through the many good times and then the failing of my first marriage. She knows what an ugly divorce I went through, and she was even the one that insisted that I go on a date with Gavin. She more than anyone knows the road that I have traveled.
My answer? Was a simple shrug and smile. Standing next to my husband Gavin I just said, “Life is good. It is really good.” I looked at my husband and surveyed the backyard filled with family and friends. However it is that we got to this space – it is a really good space to be in.
Lives change and mine has changed in the past seven years more than I could have ever imagined. I have often felt like the hand of God reached down to Earth, picked my up by the scruff of my neck, shook me around a bit, and dropped me back to Earth in a new location and into a new life.
It can be a weird feeling.
I am not the only one to go through a divorce and the drastic change that a divorce brings after a 20+ year marriage. Society and attitudes about relationships and modern love in America are changing. I recently interviewed Dr. Pepper Schwartz, renowned relationship expert best known as the co-host of the uniqued and top-rated show, Married at First Sight, as well as the author of 25 books on relationships. This is a women that understands the many facets of relationships.
We talked about
- Marriage and divorce – Who is to blame and who has regrets?
- Love and politics – Shifts in attitudes about love and marriage, and the impact of the ruling by the Supreme Court on gay marriage.
- Modern dating – Why more people are open to modern match-making?
One of the findings is that women do not want to go into a relationship unless it is of the highest quality – I whole-heartedly agree! It is also good to know that most Americans think that marriage is a good institution – but love does not always mean marriage.
I really enjoyed reading through the findings of this study and I learned a lot during my interview with Dr. Peppper Schwartz. Watch the interview below – It really is fascinating! I did not know that there is a TV show called, Married at First Site. Quite a concept!
Interview with Dr. Pepper Schwartz
What are you take aways from the interview? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
For more information check out https://www.avvo.com/